New Purpose

Find a new purpose, a new direction. That is what I am suppose to do…

Build a new life and dream new dreams that only include me.

For me that was and still is the worst.

We had plans for the future; we had a set out path and our combined dreams to live for. We knew what we wanted and the steps to get there. We went through a very hard time financially, but had plans on how we were going to change it.

Now nothing, half of that partnership is gone. Without him the dreams do not make sense any more. The path is closed, under construction.

The dreams had has a big hole in it and the dreams do not make sense anymore, not without him being there to help build and to rejoice in the accomplishment. At the end of the day where there was two there is now only one and everything that happens from here on should be reconstructed to just include me, to be for the betterment of myself. There is no more us, no more togetherness, no more, just no more.

After 13 years together and 9 years of marriage, how do you go back to being one? How do you at the age of 38years restart your life alone with a big hole that you carry as baggage with you?

I have a new path that is open and waiting for me, but where do I start? How do I decide on what to do?

What is even more harrowing is that I do not see the point of continuing. I do not have the willpower to go on. If I look at the future I see nothing – just blackness.

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